DCIDS Issue 6: Beefcake on Parade

Free Ladies' Night Special with guest commentary from Mrs. Burge

In a previous issue of DCIDS I featured a cornucopia of vintage feminine pulchritude from my vast car ID case files, and brother, there are plenty more where those came from. Rest assured there will be many such hotsy totsy grandma pinup photos in future issues, but what’s fair is fair: some readers may be thirstier for car photos of historic hunks, and this issue is for you. Besides, my subscriptions stats suggest this place is a bit of a sausage party, so in an effort to diversify my base and attract more business from the gentler sex I am offering this issue free of charge. A no-cover Chippendales show if you will, and I have invited my wife - the notorious long-suffering Tammi Jo (why does everybody keep calling her that?) - to provide color commentary from a female perspective.

First up we have @rudolfc123’s grandfather, looking like a young Paul Newman while removing the spare tire from a pretty impressive luxury car, a 1931 Lincoln Model K sedan. I suspect his muscles were obtained without a gym membership. What say you, Tammi Jo?

Ooooh, twist those lug nuts big boy, mama likey. Looks like the kind of man who would be handy around the house, unlike some I could name.

Wait, didn’t I just uhh… clean the gutters a while ago?

Yeah, like March. Now shut up and keep the pictures coming.

Okay, but can’t we at least keep it civil in public? Anyway, here’s another Adonis grandpa of a DCIDS client, @graceisforyou’s “Papa Jim” flexing with a 1928 Studebaker Commander Victoria coupe that, according to Grace, he purchased for $50. Your assessment, TJ?

I’ll take that six pack to go, thank you very much. By the way, when’s the last time you ever paid $50 for an old car, Captain Beer Gut?

So this is how it’s gonna be, huh. Anyhow let’s move on to our next specimens, two unidentified vagabonds submitted by Christopher Lill, ready to hit the road in a 1928-29 Ford Model A roadster. Against my better judgment, I shall again ask my wife to provide her reaction.

So long Dave, I’m running off for a watermelon picnic with Smiley McOveralls.

You know I’m beginning to think this co-writing thing was a mistake.

Less jibber jabber and more sexy grandpas, sweetheart.

Okay whatever. Get a load of the smoldering Valentino-like eyes of Joshua Thom’s grandpa Simon, nonchalantly leaning on the spare tire of a 1929-30 Chevy sedan. Take it away, TJ.

Need a light, Tall Dark and Handsome? How about you and me play a little Simon Says.

Aren’t you always after me to stop smoking?

Yeah, but Simon is smoking even without the cigarette.

I’ll ignore that remark and move on to our next exhibit, @auwmark’s dapper dad with his well-shod foot propped up on the running board of his first car; which, as best as I can determine, is a 1930 Oldsmobile or Buick 3 window coupe.

Now here’s a man who cleans up well. Unlike…

Yeah yeah yeah, unlike some men you know.

Look, do you want my comments or not?

I guess so, but honestly I’m beginning to regret giving you editorial license. How about we move on to the next one?

Fine by me, keep bringing on the beefcake.

Well I guess you have some smart aleck remark to make about these two gents, submitted by @TheClayCochran.

Tell me more.

I am informed they are Enzo Bartolucci & Reno Carboni of Ridgefield, Connecticut, and I have deduced they are leaning on a 1928-29 Ford Model A roadster.

I would like to order one spicy Italian meatball sandwich, please.

I’m thinking we should close this thing out soon, so here’s one more for you, submitted by @TxAg11. This is his grandfather showing off some of his rodeo winnings, including a saddle, two rifles, and a brand new 1955-56 Dodge C-1-B pickup truck. Take it away, “honey.”

Yippee yi yo kiyay! Now there’s something I could see riding off into the sunset. And may I say this cowboy is a real Texas man, unlike…

Yeah yeah yeah, we get it Tammi Jo.

Anyhow, that concludes this special free beefcake issue of DCIDS, but there will be more in the future so smash the subscribe button if you don’t want to miss. And I would like to announce there will be an opening for a new female guest commentator.

As always,

Happy Motoring,

Dave